Pantera fan that’s only ever listened to Pantera says all metal bands sound the same

Tim Johansson  STAFF WRITER
Posted 13.04.2019 09:03 Updated 13.04.2019 10:13


Cowboys From Hell

Rock Music News

John Lance, 45, from Arlington, Texas has recently made a stunning claim about modern metal music. Now on his 5,239 pair of camo shorts and expecting the arrival of his 27th Dean guitar that matches the color of his withering beard, John has been Panteras most dedicated fan since 1966, when Dimebag Darrell was actually born.

John, who also goes by the name of ‘The Original Cowboy From Hell’, says he was the reason Pantera formed when he met Dimebag at a Wendy's Diner and give him his first ever set of strings. He said he told Dimebag “you’ll go on to form the only metal band that will ever exist on Earth, but you’ll go through a weird hair metal phase first”.

Up until recently, John had only ever listened to Pantera albums on his original 1979 Sony Walkman Cassette player and had been telling his co-workers for years that Pantera was the only true metal band to ever exist. When his friends told him that he should broaden his musical knowledge he said:

I tried playing my Pantera records backward for a new experience and it was great, instant new metal music I never thought I’d hear
- john

Recently, John was shocked to discover that more than one metal band actually exists other than Pantera. He said:

I thought Pantera was the only metal band on the planet, when I walk into a record store I just blindly walk straight to the Pantera section to see what’s new. I thought all those other records were just for show
- John

When John decided to listen to some new metal records he said: “They all sound like Pantera, it’s all the same” releasing shortly afterward he was still, in fact, playing Pantera.

pantera.jpg Sadly, John's friends and family have all distanced themselves from him. Speaking to his ex-girlfriend, who John will only refer to as ‘Mouth For War’, real name, Jenny, she said:

I was sick of getting Pantera albums for my Birthday and Christmas presents every year, and he kept asking me to wear a fake beard and making me shout “What did you say? Are you talking to me?" when we had sex it just got too much.
- Jenny